“Please Jay,” she pleaded between sobs. She trembled. Her thick words struck him dumb.
“Not again Barbara!” he roared. “Not again!” Through the blazing rage in his eyes, she caught something else. Disgust. And pity. What gives you the right, you bastard! Get it over with!
How many times had they been through this? A different doctor every time. A new story. No, I don’t want to press charges. No thank you, I wouldn’t like to speak with anyone from the police department. I have to get home to the kids.
He grabbed her shoulders, his calloused fingers digging in to her stained and thread-barren blouse. He squeezed, hard, and she stifled the cry that formed in her throat, but didn’t resist. It was pointless.
“This is the last time. The last time! You’re ruining me and you’re ruining your daughter and my son and I won’t have it any more! Do you understand me, God damn it!
She cowered slightly, then gathered herself. “I swear to you Jay. The last time.”
“You’re God damn right it’s the last time! GODDAMMIT!” His arms shook with exertion and rage. The baby howled in the next room, frightened awake by the commotion. The infant wasn’t a good sleeper. Jay had heard all of her excuses—I’m tired all the time, never have time to heal or rest, still in so much pain. Not again. He was putting his foot down. He would take the kids and leave her if she didn’t keep her word. He had the job and the car and paid the rent, and the court would believe his word over hers any day of the week. A man shouldn’t have to put up with this.
And the kids. He wondered if anyone could help him get the boy talking again. He hadn’t said a word in weeks. He used to be so smart, so talkative. Jay couldn’t remember the last time he saw his son smile. And he loved their daughter the way fathers love daughters, completely and totally, and he shook harder, clenched his jaw so tightly his teeth hurt, and the rage burned in his chest.
It was more than he could take. He was ready, and he put everything he had into the swing of his fist. She saw it coming, closed her eyes, gritted her teeth, but did not budge. He felt her bone give, heard it snap, fuck that hurt now I’m going to have to see the doctor about my fist Goddammit Barbara why have you brought us to this! A cry of pain escaped her clinched teeth, and his son wailed in the other room. “You stay there Jimmy! Don’t come in here son. Everything’s fine, you just stay put boy, hear me?” Sweat ran off of his brow.
She crumpled in agony, covering her mouth to stifle the sobs. The last time. She had to get help. Couldn’t live like this any more. Running out of doctors in this city, bigger than the last city for just this reason. Doctors talked, kept records, and she knew they were on borrowed time. She had to get help, she thought, even as her mind raced for the story. The car door was acting up again. Jay promised he’d fix it but forgot. I should have known better, should have been buckled up even though we were just going to get groceries, shouldn’t have been leaning on that door the way I was. Good thing we weren’t going faster or I might have cracked my head on the curb. We can’t afford a new car with the baby and all, and now this, I don’t know how I’m going to take care of the little one with my arm in a sling. How long do collarbones take to heal, anyway, Doctor? That seems a terribly long time. Can you prescribe me a few extras? I have to move around a lot for the little one. Please Doctor, this really hurts.
Jay watched the physician’s eyes. The doctor wasn’t new to oil towns, had probably seen drunken husbands beat their wives once a month for years. Jay thought about jail. What would happen to the kids? He just got hired on in the fields, couldn’t afford a lawyer, couldn’t afford to miss work, knew he’d lose his job if the doctor said anything. Don’t look at me, he pleaded silently. He forced himself to look at Barbara’s broken protruding collarbone, forced himself to look away from the doctor’s eyes, forced himself to put on his practiced look of pity, forced himself to breathe. I can’t live like this. This is the last time. The last time.
She barely waited for them to get in the car. She tore open the bottle of pills and threw two of them in her mouth. She winced as she forced the giant white ovals down her dry throat, then put a third one in her mouth. Best to get on top of it fast, then maintain. She shuddered at the thought of the shaking and nausea and misery she had endured all morning, almost giddy with anticipation of comfort. She couldn’t wait for the drug to take hold. She exhaled and felt the familiar vague happiness pervade her thoughts, desperate for the sweet numbness. Finally. Took forever this time. So glad it’s over. So glad to feel nothing. So glad to breathe.
Yes, she would get help. After this prescription ran out. Jay would understand.
He always did.
Dark.